Last Tuesday, almost all of East’s teachers and other staff members went on strike in protest of the slamming doors, which have plagued them since the school year began. The doors, which had previously been propped open, now slam shut whenever someone walks through them.
“Bell to bell, all I hear is doors slamming over and over and over again,” said biology teacher Ann Trence. “I feel like I’m slowly going insane.”
This has been especially painful for teachers unfortunate enough to have a class near a doorway.
“Every day, I leave school shell shocked, ” said AP Psychology teacher Al Ness. “I think I have PDSD—post door slamming disorder.”
The slamming has been so loud that teachers in trailers are actually glad to have their classes there.
“I never thought I would say this, but not being in a quad this year has been great,” said English 9 teacher Trey Ler.
On the bright side, students report feeling much safer with the doors not propped open.
“With the doors propped, I was terrified to go up the stairs,” said junior Parry Noid. “But now that we have them closed, East is basically impenetrable; how could anything bad possibly happen?
Sophomore Sal Castic agreed.
“I’m really offended that they stayed open for so long, considering how incredibly dangerous and unsafe they are to keep open,” Castic said. “I was honestly considering suing the school for it.”
To the administration, teachers’ ears are a worthwhile price to keep East safe, and so far, it’s clearly done an amazing job.
“I hope the students can forgive me for failing to address this problem sooner,” said Principal Jesse Casey. “With the doors propped open, so many unsafe things could have happened.”
Casey did not provide any examples of these issues, but we’re sure they are many.
Still, East’s teachers refuse to consider the many ways keeping the doors closed will benefit the school, and remain on strike.